Saturday, April 9, 2011

Happy Saturday =D!! Day 13 of my Search

Today is Day 13 of my Fast and I am learning so much along the way as you will see in this post.

Meditation for the 13th day:
For there are three that bear witness in heaven: the Father, the Word and the Holy Spirit; and these three are one. 1 John 5:7

I am enjoying a quite day at home... last night boyfriend and I had some quality time together, he had school early in the morning at 7 am and I was at work, but we managed to get some US time in and today he naps all day, poor baby he works in the night so he gets home around 7 am and will nap the whole day, just to head back to work tonight at 10 pm, and he will do the same tomorrow and Monday.

He has a hectic schedule and so much on his plate, and  I must tell you that I am ashamed of myself
Let me explain, I have been focusing on my spiritual life and because of that  I was able to realize that some of the actions and attitudes that I was exhibiting were not appropriate. Well as I just explained by Boyfriend goes to school in the AM and works at night, so that pretty much doesn't leave much free time for us to spend like we used to. So,  selfish me... I have been tormenting him and complaining about how HE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR ME!!.. Yes I said I was ashamed.

I realized that I wasn't being a supportive girlfriend, instead I was behaving like my old self... a selfish Brat, that was used to getting her way. So I did some soul searching and I read my second book, which is The fruits of the Flesh and the Fruits of the Spirit, and I realized that my Flesh was taking the best of me. So I  took my medicine and decided to be a big girl and I apologized for not being there for him, like he was and is for me specially  when I was in school and working even on the weekends he never complained. Pretty soon I will be in school again and will be working and will have limitation like he does, and I realized that It was not because he cared less for me, but because school needs to be completed and we have to wait for free time to have some fun.

I was so selfish and I used great terms and my knowledge in Psychology to make him think that I had a point, I even said I was not a Priority to him and how I felt abandoned =( yes i know.. so bad,  to which he Replied "You are a priority, Everything I do is for you". And he demonstrated it by making time for me. Yesterday he went to school from 7 am to 3 pm and needed to get to work from 10 pm to 6:30 am, in between there he takes a nap, but instead he went to my work to pick me up and spent some time with me. At around 8 pm, I saw his eyes bloodshot and tired and I felt so bad.. here I am making the person I Love suffer just to please my selfish desires. I saw him with my Spiritual eyes and with my heart and it hurt me to see him that way.  I realized that I was not being such a good person, and that instead of helping him be a better person, I was tormenting him. Abusing the Love he has for me and making him sacrifice himself to prove a point that didn't need to be proven.

I am supposed to be there for him, cheering him on and helping him be the best, just like he does for me, but instead I let the ideas of the world into my life and instead of appreciating the things he does, I focused on the things that he couldn't do. And Lost track of the things I am supposed to do for him.

Such a lesson learned, I was expecting to receive more than what I was giving... doesn't work that way in Life, School, Relationships and specially with God.

xoxox till tomorrow be Blessed Liz

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