Hello world.. I have been away for some time... I had to take some time to heal my wounds and pain. I am not 100% , but I am better than before. I will feel some form of pain for the rest of my life and now I just need to find things to make me feel better.
The last post was in 2015 and prior to that it was 2012. A lot of things have happened since that time and they were not all good ones, however I did have a couple of good evens happen. But as we all know pain and loss and struggles are what we remember more than the good times.
However I learned "in order to appreciate the sweet, we need to experience the bitter" only then will we know how to appreciate the good things in life.
So lets begin with a mini recap of what 4 years looked like.
2012-2014 Struggling with health... but found strength to enroll in Grad School. (Yes I decided to do that instead of law school).
2014 Finished my program and wit the grace of God , Graduated in May 2014.
But life will always throw you lemons and when you are celebrating your accomplishments, Life will sneak in and punch you in the gut.
August 2014 Started a journey up a mountain in hopes to make a difference, ended up in the inner city mentoring and making a difference in young peoples lives.
Dec 2015... LIFE again sucker punches me and my family and sends my Dad into Cardiac Arrest... this is the first time that I am writing this and even sharing with anyone. I remember it clearly like it happened just yesterday. I arrived home after deciding not to go to dinner with my JZ ( I am so thankful for that, if not my dad would had been alone). I had mailed and my dad told me a box had arrived. I had purchased a blanket from my school in support of homelessness. Buy one and they give one to homeless shelter, I was super excited to get my blanket, actually I had bought it to give to dad, as a gift and for him to have something from my school. Dad mentioned he had pain in his gums and asked for is oral gel and then he proceeded to go outside for his daily ritual to the nicotine addiction. He was there a good 5 minutes and then he came back inside the house, he went to his room and laid down... seconds later I heard what sounded like gurgling sounds, to which I thought it was strange and thought "I don't think Dad fell asleep that fast.. My mom yes she falls asleep at the drop of a dime... not my dad." So I rushed t his room and asked if he was Ok, and there was no response just the same gurgling sounds. I walked over to him and asked "Dad are you ok?" I patted him on the shoulder to see if he would wake up, and notice his eyes were twitching. I knew he wasn't able to hear me and I did not know if he was breathing. I dialed 911 and just like I did 11 yeas ago I said the following words "Help... My dad is not responding, and I don't know if he is breathings."
Time felt like it stood still and everything else was moving in super slow motion. I was asked if I could move him to the floor, to which I replies "No" you see I am only 5'0" and there was no way I could had moved him on my own and without hurting him put him on the floor. At that moment I felt a rush of anger, as I was home alone and no one was there to help. I was faced with death and I wasn't going to let it take my dad. I was instructed to start hands only CPR. I don't know id it was done right. I followed the 911 operators instruction, while at the same time focusing on my dad and how his once pink lips were now looking bluish... So i pushed harder and kept telling him... "No dad... not on my watch... you can't leave like this"... Luckily the paramedics arrived, those minutes waiting for them felt like it was hours. I was moved to the side and 7 medics worked on dad to bring him back. All in all he coded 3 times before they got his heart and breathing back. He was taken to the hospital and I called my brother and my JZ and we followed. Unfortunately the lack of oxygen to his brain was too long and my dad never regain consciousness. We spent 6 months praying for a recovery and hoping he would once again open his eyes and see me. He did on May 4, 2015 at exactly 11:25 pm, for the very first time in 6 months I stared into his eyes and I felt like he saw me... minutes later he breath his last breath and was on his way back to his creator. I had 6 months that I spent with him. I thanked him for all his hard work, for his support and his love. I made sure he knew mom and my brother and nephews would be ok and I made sure he knew that there is a heaven and I told him about how peaceful and beautiful it is. And I told him that since he hadn't been able to eat in 6 months... that very night he was going to meet Jesus and I'm sure he was going to give him dinner,I also told him that it was ok for him to go, I told him that God would be waiting for him and that he will be able to plant roses in heaven just like he loved planting them here. As for myself and my family we need to learn how to discover life, and live it like dad would want us to.
to be continued...