Monday, April 11, 2011

Blessings For a New Week

Day 14 and 15 of My Journey..

I had to write this today, because I felt incline to share this, My coworkers told me , that he felt this feeling inside, and it was so hard for him to explain what the feeling was, but what he managed to state was that in his heart there is a deep desire for more, he just doesn't know what exactly it is that he is missing. He said he felt this VOID that nothing can fill and he thinks that he is supposed to find what it is and he believes he has something to do in this world. He just doesn't know what, to which I replied , You need Jesus.. he is calling and asking you to let him in, he laughed and said I was insane.  To which I replied.. NO really I know exactly what it is that you are feeling, I know what that emptiness is and family, work career, can not fill it,  it is your heart longing for the presence of the LORD.

How do I know this?  well a couple of years ago in my teenage years I also felt that void, an unexplainable emptiness. When I started going to church I was going to please my mother and I never concentrated in service, I was always looking at people and I wondered what was it that these people were feeling.. and why are so many of them in tears as they prayed. I remember trying to pray and I was not able to concentrate, I started speaking to the Lord and ended with a movie playing in my mind of random things that had nothing to do with God,  such as school, movies, chores anything that was unimportant would flash in my mind like a movie and it serve to distract me and keep me from connecting with Jesus.  I was around 19 or 20 when I finally allowed God into my heart and I longed to have that experience of knowing that he was there with me. I remember we had a special campaign and  I prayed for something and only God and I knew what was in my heart, not even my mother knew because I never shared my feelings with anyone, but as the prayer progressed the pastor started to speak and said God is listening to your prayer and he is telling you "My daughter, don't you know that you were mine even before you were conceived, I knew you then, just as I know you know and I see the pain that is in your heart and all the damage that they have done to you. But I want you to know, that your loving father has always been there watching over you and that is why you are still here", when I heard those words and as you can see I remember them till today, I felt this enormous knot in my throat and My heart felt like it was being ripped from inside. I knew the Lord was talking to me and I was no longer able to control my tears. I say control because before I allowed God into my heart I would tell myself don't cry even if you feel like it, snap out of it and I would control myself and never fully connect with God because My stubbornness was stronger than my desire to know him.

But that one day  I was asking him to take the pain that was in my heart, to help me forgive those who had harmed me and to let me know that he was listening to me, and for the very first time I felt what all those teary eyed people were experiencing when I saw them praying  and tears rolling down their faces. An unexplainable feeling of comfort and an uncontrollable connection between your heart and soul to the one who created us. I was in the presence of the Lord and I could feel him.. My eyes could not see him and my hands could not touch him, but my heart felt his presence and I was able to finally release all that was inside of me. I sobbed like a child in front of their father when they are in pain or have been deeply hurt and I felt such comfort and relief. After that Day I felt his presence and the emptiness that was in me slowly went away.

This is all for now, have a blessed week xoxo Liz
PS.. I am excited.. because in exactly 1 month from today 4/10 will be my Birthday!! Yeah!!!

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