Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope your thanksgiving was as amazing as mine, filled with family, love and blessings. This year has been tough, I have been off from work for a couple of months, financially I am barely getting by and Physically I am ill. But I have faith that God will turn things around for me an that this trial and tribulation will pass from me soon. But even though my life is not as peachy as I would want it to be, I still have many things to be grateful for. I am grateful for Family, for Friends and Loved ones. I am grateful for my nephews, every day they inspire me to be better. I am grateful for my mother, That I still have her in my life. I am grateful for my JZ for his unconditional love and his patience. But above all I am grateful for my life, for the air that I breath, for the opportunity that God has given me and is getting ready to give me. I am grateful for my Pastors and their teachings and prayers and I am grateful for my school. Thank You Jesus for all that you give me and for loving me.

xoxox Liz

Monday, November 21, 2011

It's so hard to understand

As I sit here listening to my step-father constantly talk and talk.. I can only ask myself how does my mother do it? How does she put up with all his non sense. How does she keep herself from going crazy, I feel like my head is going to explode just by listening to him and he is not even speaking to me. Then I realized, we have to be really careful with whom we marry or start a relationship with. See they are similar to many other couples who stayed together for what ever reason other than true love. What?? what did I just say, well even if I have no experience in the living with someone or married department, I can tell you one thing, LOVE is LOVE and its a two way street. And when the day comes for me to decide who I share my life with I will remember my mother and chose wisely. Sometimes we need to see what others are dealing with to learn and understand that whatever they have, I do not want. Let me tell you a brief summary and Yes I am venting, its the only way I can get rid of the stress that I have been exposed to. My stepfather acts like a child, he has always required my moms full attention. So much that when my Brother and I were kids, we felt like he was jealous of us and he would always make sure to express his dissatisfaction when my mom paid us any attention. If we were not home, and mom was there to cater his needs he was happy. I can't even call it the infamous MACHISMO, because this word implies manliness and there is nothing manly about a full grown man who chooses to act like a child. I love my mother and I feel so sad for her, but this is a choice she made for herself and has no one to blame but herself. But at 64 years old, I am constantly asking myself how much more can she bear? She has been dealing with this since she was 30 years old. But like I said this is something she chose for herself and when given the opportunity to leave she never did. One thing I will never understand, and I am tired of trying. When I was younger I saw my mom and I am going to be honest, I never wanted to be like her. Because all I saw was her weakness, as a woman and as an individual. But as I grew older and learned I realized that we are not all born with the same talents and self esteem and self love is something not everyone possesses. Sometimes it has to be learned and it might take 40 years of suffering to finally understand the concept. And that even if that part is missing there are greater things that are helping that person survive, There is Strenght and Faith and Hope. I pray that God enlightens her and that he can give her an opportunity to be free and learn to know what it is to truly be Loved. As for me, I need to see and learn and choose wisely and to learn to love my mother more and not judge her for her weaknesses. And try to remember that I am who I am today, because of who she was yesterday.

xoxo sea
ps. The picture was sent to me, it doesn't belong to me, but I thought it was lovely white.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Living by Faith

Living by faith is not as easy as we think, and for the most part we forget that when we are going through some tough time, we need to trust in God more and be patient. My natural man wants to scream , yell, shout and insult the entire world for making my life harder than it should be, but my Spiritual man reminds me that I need to relax and trust in God. It reminds me to lay all my troubles, aches and sorrows in his hands and step back and let him do his will. I know so much easier said than done, but I can tell you that it took me 8 years of working like a dog , and an injury to finally let go of my grip on my own self  and finally allow God to take control of everything. I can now say that I am finally living by Faith, I have never been so not in control of things as I am now. And I can't do anything except Trust and have Faith that God will see me through. So I hope you learn from my experience, don't allow yourself to be like me and wait until the last minute to let God have full control of your life. It can save you a ton of pain.

Also know that when it rains it pours.. this week I had an important commitment with God that I needed to keep, well I am convinced that a true blessing is headed my way because everything that could happen and go wrong did. First my phone decided to die on me and started to do weird things with the screen, then as if I didn't need them my glasses mysteriously cracked in half,  then my Dr. request for 2 test were denied by the insurance company and I had the worst, neck shoulder arm pain ever and today I am sick with a horrible cold. So as you can see when it rains it pours, but I believe in JESUS and he will help me through this. I know that I will be healed soon, a Blessing s coming my way and my life will be transformed and all the Honor and Glory will go to the Lord.

Father I surrender my life, my will, my health, my hopes and my dreams into your hands and I ask you in the name of your son Jesus that you help me overcome these obstacles that are in my way and give me Justice and Victory over my oppressors,  Amen!!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

9 years and counting

A year ago he called and sang to me Perfect by Smashing Pumpkins, today he text me to tell me he is making me a CD.. and asked if I wanted a specific song, so I said yes the song u sang me "Perfect"... little did I know that it was exactly a year to the day. Happy 9th Anniversary my JZ xoxox

Saturday, November 5, 2011

When Life throws you lemons add strawberries and make Lemonade

Greetings and happy Saturday.. I just finished my PT which consists of stretching and resistance bands. I have been sick for almost a year, and right now my body needs some major rest and TLC. But I know that it also needs to move. I am limited to many things including the gym, mostly because of the pain. I get frustrated at times, but last week God spoke to me and as I was complaining about how long its been and why I am not getting better, the following phrase ran in my head
"It took you 8 years to damage your body... what makes you think you will heal it in a month?"
Point made and taken, so every day I make sure I do my part in the healing process, I eat less and healthier, I take my walk and I do my PT. I am doing my best under the circumstances and I have learned to be patient.
On the positive I am able to rest, catch up on some much needed and oh so over due sleep. I am able to go to church and work on my communion with God and I am able to spend some over due quality time with my mom. So for now  I will pray for healing trust God and Listen to my  Dr. and follow his care and do my Home Stretches and give my body some TLC.

Monday I was able to stop by and support my nephews in their school's literature parade. My little Cowboy/ Rango and my Little Mermaid, they looked adorable. We had so much fun and spent the afternoon together, grabbed a couple of happy meals and had an awesome afternoon. At home we had  some singing and dancing, courtesy of the nephews, they put on a show for me and it was great.

So like my tittle states.. " When life throws you lemons... don't let them get you bitter instead grab some strawberries and make some yummy Lemonade =D.

Friday, November 4, 2011

MAC Glitter and Ice and Johnny Weir

I have been ogling the new Holiday collection from MAC which has Johnny Weir as their spokesperson. But I am sad that we haven't heard much from him, the collection grabbed my attention because he was involved in it. I was happy to see MAC support such an amazing athlete and make him more known. I admire his self confidence and how resilient he is... if you don't know much about him you should google him. He is an awesome artist, who is doing it his way in a world where individuality is not always rewarded. So I hope I can get my hands on at least 2 things from this collection, I want it all.. but I am on a budget and can't afford to spend more than I have.